I’ve Been “Should”-ing All Over Myself
Learning to Play Hooky in a “Should Do” World
By: Christy Uffelman
I snuck out of work today when nobody was looking.
I am writing this post while sitting on my deck, dappled in sunlight, wearing zero makeup and in my favorite robe.
And I’m coloring.
Yes, coloring. (Apparently as a busy professional, adult-coloring books are the super cool, new way to de-stress.)
It’s only been 4.3 minutes, but I think it is working.
I think the bigger deal though, is the fact that I feel free right now.
Liberated.
There are literally 1,267 things that need to be done in my life today, both at work and home. Important things that should be done: I should drop off the dry-cleaning that’s been sitting in a pile on my bedroom floor so long there is actually a layer of dust on it, I have to go grocery shopping (somehow there is NEVER food in my fridge), I should make a trip to Rite Aid to for deodorant and hairspray (staples with two women in the house), and of course, I should address the 103 emails sitting in my inbox that I haven’t had time to open this week, let alone deal with.
Have to. Need to do. Should do. I realized this morning that I have been, quite literally, “should”-ing all over myself.
So today I decided that I am not doing any of these things.
Because, I don’t WANT TO.
Eeek. (I can’t believe I just said that out loud.) You see, the story I tell myself is that if I am not productive, if I’m not exhausted, then I am not worthy. That I must prove that I am a good enough Coach or else clients won’t want to hire me, a good enough Wife so my husband will want to stay with me, a good enough Mom because my child will be screwed up for life if I’m not. Most importantly, in this story of mine, the busiest people are the most admired. The most successful.
They are NEVER lazy. And they certainly don’t sit around in their robe on a Friday morning and color.
One of my favorite books right now is The Gifts of Imperfection by Dr. Brené Brown. In it, Brené has a chapter entitled “Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol” where she talks about her research and the value of cultivating play and rest.
Play, she defines is purposeless. Meaning, there is no inherent value that this activity will bring to my life other than because it is simply fun and done because I want to.
I choose to. I can.
Think for a minute of how those words feel SO much lighter than the should’s, the have to’s, the need to do’s. You see, those words are judgement words. Words that constantly reinforce that you are not, and likely never will be, good enough.
Imagine what would happen and how you would feel if, just for today, you switched those words around? That instead of saying, “I have to get the house clean before the company comes for the picnic this weekend,” you instead say, “I can get the house cleaned.”
Instead of “I should go through my inbox and clean up this week’s non-urgent emails” it becomes “I could go through my inbox.”
Maybe you will choose to tackle those action items, and maybe, like me, today you won’t. I invite you to try it and see. Let me know if, by doing so, you feel a little more free too.
(Seriously, let me know how it goes!!)
Christy